


hush now, darling, let me help you

by stropsian



Series: Amasai Oneshots [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, It gets fluffy near the end I promiise, Kinda?, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, We Die Like Men, actually mega angst, this is just me venting, vent - Freeform, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 12:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22969900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stropsian/pseuds/stropsian
Summary: You can only bottle everything up for so long. You can only resist what seems so natural for so long. You're getting better, bit by bit, but tonight's just not your night, is it?--Shuichi relapses. Thankfully, Rantaro is there for him.--
Relationships: Amami Rantaro/Saihara Shuichi
Series: Amasai Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650733
Comments: 5
Kudos: 91





	hush now, darling, let me help you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing this at nearly 4:00 AM because that's when I am most productive.  
> Also like,,, this contains self-harm. If you are triggered at all by self-harm I suggest you don't read this. It describes self-harm in detail, not the act, but still, stay safe, please.  
> Another note: This is a vent fic and my first time writing these two, so please be gentle with criticism. (:

Something was off.

Rantaro could feel it. The atmosphere in the dark, quiet room was eerie. The spot next to him was cold. Cold and empty. Shuichi Saihara was missing from their shared bed. A small clock on the nightstand on his side of the bed read 3:00 AM. Too early for him or Shuichi to be awake. So why was the spot next to him so cold, like Shuichi had been gone for a long time? It was worrying, and Rantaro could feel his stomach sink. This was bad. Normally, Rantaro would just go back to sleep and ask Shuichi about it in the morning, but this felt important. 

He groggily sat himself up, taking in the sight of their shared room. The bathroom light was on, and a small sliver of light shone from it onto Rantaro. _Probably where he went,_ he thought, _Let's check there first._ He tiredly made his way over to the bathroom, his eyes half-lidded as he knocked on the door.

"Darling, are you in there?" He asked, his voice slow and quiet. 

No response.

Rantaro tried to turn the doorknob, but it was locked. He knocked another time, this time with a little more urgency. 

"Shuichi, darling. If you're in there, please open the door. It's just me," he spoke, his voice intentionally as calm as he could get it with how worried he was for his boyfriend. A small whine came from the other side of the door, and Rantaro's heart nearly broke from how pained he sounded. What if he could get up to unlock the door? He needed to get in there somehow. He needed to help his boyfriend

"Are you able to unlock the door, sweetheart? Tap once if you can, and twice if you can't," Rantaro listened for Shuichi's response. He knew how Shuichi got when he was like this, and he most likely wouldn't be able to talk to him. He knew he needed to find other ways to communicate. One light tap against the door was what he got in response. Rantaro could hear the other boy shuffle as he clicked the door's lock. That's good.

"Alright, I'm going to come in now." A whine was given in response. Rantaro felt sick, he could tell what had probably happened. He took a deep breath before opening the door. 

The room smelled foul. It had been a while since Rantaro had smelled this, but it was undeniable. The smell of blood filled the room. Rantaro almost definitely knew what had happened. He needed to make sure, though, and if his assumption was true, he needed to treat his boyfriend immediately.

Shuichi was sitting on the ground, his head down and his arms around his knees. The sight made Rantaro want to cry, this was _his_ baby boy who was sitting on the floor there, looking so utterly hopeless. He needed to remain calm, for Shuichi's sake. His sisters' used to have attacks every now and then, so he hoped that he could put that knowledge to use here.

Rantaro slowly approached the boy, sitting on his knees in front of him to closely examine the scene in front of him. The foul scent of blood had grown stronger than when he had originally entered the room. On the floor next to him laid a razor that had blood on it, as well as a small trail that led from Shuichi to where it laid. 

"Darling, can you look up for me?" Rantaro asked. Shuichi hesitated before bringing his head up slowly, avoiding Rantaro's eyes at all costs. He was shaking like a leaf in the wind, terrified of something. His face was wet, covered in tears. His eyes were irritated and red, a sign he had been crying for a decent amount of time.

"Good. Thank you, baby boy. Now, are you able to breathe?" Rantaro asked. Shuichi nodded slowly, letting out a breath. It didn't seem like he was lying, his chest was going up and down at a normal rate. That's the first step to calming down. The next was to be brought back to reality. 

"If you can, look into my eyes, dear," Rantaro whispered. His sisters had always said that his eyes were grounding. According to them, his eyes were almost as much of an enigma as he was. Maybe it could work with Shuichi. The boy did his best to look the other in the eyes, but he looked so guilty. Like he was at fault. He started to whimper again, looking down.

"Keep your head up, please. Don't force yourself to look me in the eyes if you can't, it's okay. Now, can I touch you?" Rantaro asked. He knew Shuichi didn't like being touched, so he made sure to ask for consent. Shuichi looked calmer but still terrified.

"If you do allow me to, the first thing I'm going to do is hold your hand," Rantaro stated. You have to be direct, so they know you won't hurt them. Shuichi slowly nodded once more. Rantaro carefully took one of Shuichi's hands into both of his own, running light circles with his thumbs. Shuichi seemed to feel safer with that, his tense body slowly yet surely loosening. 

"Thank you for being such a good boy, Shuichi. Do you think I could pet your hair?" Rantaro asked. That's really the only other thing he could get to, with how close in the space was. He didn't want to make Shuichi feel smaller. The boy nodded, closing his eyes. Rantaro lightly used one of his hands to pet Shuichi's hair. The boy was even less tense. That's good.

"Darling, do you think you can speak now? I need to understand what happened so I can help you," Rantaro comforted, looking at the boy with a soft expression.

"Y...yes, I think," Shuichi stuttered nervously. Rantaro gave him a comforting smile. 

"Thank you so much, dear. Now, can I look at your wrists? I'm sorry for asking, angel, but I need to make sure," Rantaro spoke softly. Shuichi's eyes lit up with guilt and fear. He shook his head, not able to meet his boyfriend's gaze once more. That's more than enough confirmation for Rantaro.

"That's alright, dear. Can you explained to me what happened first, then?" Rantaro asked, almost desperately. He needed to help Shuichi, but he can't with what he has so far. Shuichi nodded before breathing in a quick breath of air.

"I wasn't able...able to sleep last night, so I was laying there... laying there a-and thinking about, about everything, and it-" Shuichi broke his sentence as he choked back a sob, "it got to be too much for me. I," he then trailed off, looking at his clothed arms. Bloodstains were hard to see on black, but from the wetness of his sleeves indicated they were there. Rantaro slowly brought his hand to the other's face, stroking slightly with his thumb. 

"You relapsed, baby. It's okay to admit," Rantaro assured. The boy in front of him choked back a sob as he gripped onto Rantaro tightly. Rantaro used his free hand to pet Shuichi's hair, soft "it's alright"s and "let it out"s and various other sweet encouragements spilling from Rantaro's mouth. Shuichi's sobs slowly quieted down, and eventually turned into little sniffles. 

"May I check now Shuichi?" Rantaro asked again. This time, Shuichi gave him a hesitant nod. Rantaro braced himself as he brought his hands down to Shuichi's sleeves, rolling them up for him gently. His arms were tattered looking, the scars from previous relapses covered his arms, along with his new, irritated, bloody, and scabbing over wounds. The sight made Rantaro want to old Shuichi and never let go, let him know that he was loved, more than he thought, and that Rantaro would never judge him for this. 

Shuichi suddenly spoke up in the silence. "I-I'm sorry Rantaro, I under...understand if you hate me for thi-" he was cut off before he could even finish.

"Darling, I would never hate you. I want you to understand that you might think you are awful, but I love you so much, more than you think. I'm going to bandage these if that's okay. You're amazing," Rantaro took a moment to lightly kiss over one of the scars, "and so strong for being alive." Shuichi nodded, looking away again.

Rantaro got up from his sitting position, taking the razor on the floor with him. He was going to throw it away tomorrow morning. He moved the medicine cabinet door open, shuffling inside as he got the bandages and went back in front of Shuichi. He slowly began to wrap the bandages around the wounds, encouraging Shuichi the entire time. Normally, he wouldn't be forward and emotional, but Shuichi needed it. As Rantaro finished, he took a moment to look at the boy. 

"Again, I'm sorry Rantaro. I'm trying to get better, I promise," Shuichi started, looking down sadly at his bandaged arms.

"I know you are, and I adore it. You're so determined and hardworking, sweetheart. Can I hug you?" Rantaro asked. Shuichi nodded, holding his arms out. Rantaro carefully wrapped his arms around the boy, standing the two of them up. He held on for a long moment, kissing lightly at his boyfriend's cheek.

"It's late, Shuichi. How about we get some rest for now? You'll feel better after," Rantaro suggested sleepily. 

"Yeah...just hold me while we sleep, please. I need you right now," Shuichi shakily replied. Rantaro smiled at him before walking the two out of the bathroom. He had Shuichi wear one of his shirts so that he wouldn't have to sleep in his bloody shirt. The two slowly and tiredly got into bed, holding each other like it's the end of the world.

"I love you, sweetheart. I always will. Goodnight," Rantaro whispered assuringly.

And for the first time all night, Shuichi smiled. 

"I love you too. I'll see you in the morning."


End file.
